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Quiz: Which iconic, Sapphic Jurassic park dino are you?

July 9, 2026

Ever watched Jurassic Park and thought, "Same, girl"? You're not alone. Between the coordinated hunting, the door-opening, and the unbroken eye contact across a kitchen, these prehistoric ladies were serving something the franchise never quite named. Now it's your turn: are you the patient stalker in the tall grass, the chaotic drama queen who spits when she's angry, or the one who just wants a quiet life and a big rock to sun herself on? Take the quiz and find out which iconic, Sapphic Jurassic Park dino you are.

Which iconic, Sapphic Jurassic park dino are you?

Answer the questions below to find out which iconic, Sapphic Jurassic park dino you are!

Pick a Dad Joke:*
- “What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?”
  “They’re both Paris sites.”
- “What did one wall say to the other?”
  “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
- “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’”
- “Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.”
- “I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”
- “I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”
- “I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
- “Lawyers really take the fun out of everything. Even Santa comes with a Clause.”

Pick an ice cream situation:*

Pick a Scrub Daddy thing:*

Pick an athletic way to spend the afternoon:*
- Participating in a pickleball tournament
- Taking the boat out
- A few rounds of mini-golf at a cheesy Hollywood-themed course
- Swimming at your friend’s pool
- Biking along the waterfront
- Going on a hike with your dogs
- Tailgating and getting hype at a college football game
- Taking a run through Central Park

You're going on a camping trip! What are you most excited about?*
- Taking a refreshing dip in multiple swimming holes
- Escaping the stress of your everyday life
- Having time to catch up on reading while everyone else is doing something outdoorsy
- Singing gay songs around the campfire
- Experiencing and sharing the wonders of Mother Nature with your camping companions
- Showing everyone the incredible rustic cabin you booked to avoid sleeping in tents
- Leading your family on a refreshing moderately difficult hike
- I am certainly not going on a camping trip

Pick a hat*

Pick a drink:*
- Iced coffee
- Gatorade
- Diet Coke
- Spindrift
- Wine
- Water
- Dr. Pepper
- Hard seltzer

What gay physical activity would you most like to participate in?*
- Gay sex
- Gay flag football
- Gay baseball
- Gay weightlifting
- Gay pilates
- Gay protesting
- Gay arm wrestling
- Gay beer pong

What’s your favorite kind of gossip?*
- Gossip about my exes
- Gossip about my friends’ exes
- Gossip about people I only sort of know
- Gossip about people I don’t know at all
- Gossip about myself
- Gossip about coworkers
- Celebrity gossip
- I don’t gossip

What’s a skill you’d like to learn?*
- How to train a cat to do tricks
- How to move on
- How to say no
- How to trust people
- How to do a pull up
- How to grow mushrooms
- How to tie someone up
- How to line dance

What do you like to complain about?*
- My exes
- My friends’ annoying partners
- People not drinking enough water
- Avoidant attachment styles
- Climate change
- Queer discourse online
- Straight people
- My parents